Bummer Day....

     We all get them....I think.  A day when heavy feelings get you down.  Or when suppressed emotions  surface and you need to confront them.  I had one of those today. 

     The morning went OK.  I struggled to find a way to display my new CD around town.  I have plastic holders from the last CD.  I needed a new picture on them.  With not  knowing how to combine photos I needed to use "old time technology" to figure something out.  That was going alright until the printer started balking and not working.  Hurray, for a trusty copier! 
     I also boxed up 5 CDs to send out to cdbaby. 

        And then it hit me------the heavy feelings----feelings of disappointment, defeat, inability, failure, personal needs, guilty self image.  All those negative emotions that haunt those who live with someone with an addiction.  I failed because I was not strong enough or loving enough to bring about a "happy ever after".  I wasn't the one left behind at home; I was the one who chose to leave.  I don't know what feelings to have toward Louie.
     The weather was nice so I sat outside for a long time, thinking and crying. I need to have peace, confidence and closure when the actual move comes.  At least I desire that. 
      It is good that the feelings surfaced and that I need to confront them.  It is good that I know I need to have a confident, honorable self image.  Now I can allow that to come through. 
    ____________________________________________

Mike, Louie, Mark and Jacob (Mark's son)

     Two of my nephews and a great nephew are up from Indianapolis.  We had arranged to meet them for dinner at the fishing resort where they are staying.  We had an enjoyable evening with them.  I was happy to be able to give them a gift of my CD and one to take home to their mom. 
    (I can recall caring for Mike and Mark when they were babies.)  Their dad, my brother, Pete, died from cancer about 10 years ago.

This evening my defeated, confused feelings linger on, but I can deal with them for what they are---feelings.  It's the reality of healthy, safe living that is important.

       This has been a good "face your negative feelings" day in the life of  Grandma G.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set you free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." (Galatians 5:1)